It's generally a good idea for people to make efforts to pre-arrange their own funeral or memorial services. This can save surviving family and friends plenty of stress and expense. But if your loved one actually wrote down their wishes, can you still go against them? 

This is a tricky question, and it's one that everyone planning a funeral must answer for themselves. However, here are a few situations when it's okay — or even advisable — not to fulfill a funeral wish.

1. When It's Likely To Offend

Funerals are for both the deceased person and their surviving loved ones. Therefore, a funeral request which is likely to be found offensive by society in general or a majority of mourners may be best left unfulfilled. 

Most funeral requests will not fit into this category, so writing it off shouldn't be your first response. Offensive is a serious term, and it doesn't refer to things you think are silly or not befitting a funeral. 

2. When There Are No Funds

Did your loved one include a request that will be expensive to fulfill? If so, it was their responsibility to make sure they left behind funds to accomplish it. This may sound callous, but no one should expect their family or estate to go broke over a funeral request. 

Talk with the estate executor and family or friends to create a realistic funeral budget. If there is no budget to hire a skywriter or Elvis impersonator, leave it out. 

3. When It's Very Impractical

How feasible is it to fulfill the person's wish? If it can be done with a reasonable amount of effort, research, or preparation, it should be done. But some things simply aren't permitted, are illegal or burdensome, or will delay the funeral too long. 

4. When Family Is In Agreement

In most cases, the person or persons who sign the contract with the funeral home have the final say about arrangements. Ideally, the deceased signed that contract and prepaid. 

It's best for the person who does sign that contract not to act unilaterally. You may not like a particular request, but discuss it as a family. Not following the deceased's expressed wishes can cause lasting discord in the family. Is it really worth such an outcome? 

Where To Start

What requests did your loved one include that are causing you concern? Do they fall into one or more of these categories? Can you find a different way to fulfill them? Contact a funeral home for more information.